Week 12: Descent Into Madness. Or Just Mad.

"What good is freedom?

God laughs at people at us…"

Has the Notre Dame football fan becomes God's Cosmic Joke?  And if so, what did we do to deserve this?  I wonder about this.

"I had not considered The Curse scenario in my analysis, Al…"

Where is Steven Levitt, Mr. Freakonomics, to help me with the less than obvious causal driver to our football team's Sisyphusian challenge to get, consistently, over The Mediocrity Hump.  Is this related to all the misbegotten merchandise in the front room of 801 St. Louis?  Is it because our lives have been too good, too blessed and we need a little more adversity?  (Well maybe not the Bears fans.)

Some of you have hypothesized a Curse.  But even curses have a catalyst.  Who did we cheese off that badly to cast such a diabolical - and enduring - pox upon us?

At any rate, it seems apropos that the final game's theme comes from Talking Heads whom I elected to frame this entire year, way back in August.  Ah the halcyon days when Optimism Ran Amuck for almost all except the 7-Win Clan.  But we'll get to them later.

Incidentally, the movie this comes from, True Stories, is an under-the-radar gem, guaranteed to make you smile.  Especially if one likes T-Heads music.

Word of the Week

Zoilist (n.)

• A nasty or rude critic; one who enjoys finding faults.

Antonym:  brown-noser.

Used in a sentence:  Just before nodding off to sweet delicious escapist sleep at halftime, Young Terry consider the State of the Program.  Rather than turning loyal Irish fans into proud advocates, the precipitous collapse of the ND football season has created a Legion of passionate Zoilists.

Quote of the Week

"Everyone has a plan until they're been hit."

Joe Louis

One wonders if that isn't the perfect analogy for ND's year… hit with some adversity - okay, probably more than they deserved - and folded like a house of cards.

Disappointing.

Game Observations

When does Muffet's team play next? 
 "

Who wants to re-hash the game?  Not me.  Not you.  And even from Beyond The Grave, not Buddy.   As many of you are aware, I napped through the second half, which seemed fitting given ND's sleep walking through the whole game.

Questions that'll be mildly interesting to follow after the fall out of the November collapse:

1. Who's the QB now?
2. How much does one get to use injuries as a justifiable explanation (excuse)?
3. Do we have another leadership void among the players?
4. Was Van Gorder a bad hire?
5. What is next for Kelly?  
6. Do any of the assistant coaches get thrown under the bus?



"Laces, schmaces.  Throw it any way you want…"

• given Golson's regression, would Guy LaFleur been a better LaFleur to hire?
7. Can the recruiting class hold together?
8. Do we have to play a bowl game? 
9. Do I have to watch it?
10. Will we ever have a controversy-free off season?
11. What hockey weekend can we tailgate for?

Cocktail of the Week

How can a book / drink that's screams 'doomed from the start' not be the call for this week's game recap?

Romeo and Julep

Romeo and Juliet (ca. 1599)

by William Shakespeare

With the play's original title sounding like surfer dude slang - The Most Excellent And Lamentable Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet - this melancholy romance is for anyone who has fallen in love with the hot boy (or girl) from the other side of the tracks.  Who can't relate to the star-crossed lovers, doomed from the start by parents who, like, just don't understand?  

With a tragic, poisonous finale (Notre Dame-USC metaphor alert!), this historic work created the mold, inspiring not only adaptations (West Side Story is just R&J with Puerto Rican accents and jazz hands) but also an entire road map for young-love stories.  

Fall under the spell of a drink so peach-fuzzy, you might be forgiven for not realizing its full effects.

• 6 sprigs fresh mint, washed
• 1 tspn. light brown sugar
• ½ oz. peach schnapps
• 1 ½ oz. bourbon
• 1 (12 oz.) can lemon-lime soda

In a highball glass, muddle the mint / sugar / schnapps until the sugar dissolves like a bad, injury-riddled football team.  Add ice and bourbon.  Fill to the top with the lemon-lime soda.  Prepare to fall in love again with that same inevitably underwhelming football team.  Talk about tragic…

The Wager:  

Congratulations to the glass-half-empty-7-win-wankers.  If ennui lives at the intersection where boredom meets despair, I'm parked down the street, where envy meets bitterness. That is what I feel for you all.  But what explains all of your Mediocrity-based success in prognostication?  Some theories:

• John - you're a Clevelander, 7 wins probably seems like Mt. Olympus.
• Ray - no doubt oxygen deprivation from all the Abu Dhabi elevator projects. 
• Blair - you're too young to be this cynical and smart.  Questionable parenting.
• Alvin - betting on ND Underperformance; such savvy, familiar, comfortable territory for you.
• Gutsch - it's not surprising you got this right, what's surprising is Matt & Ungie not copying you. 
• Ryan - your late grandfather would be proud of you sticking to the family code ('bet w your wallet, not your heart'). 
• Randy - too long out in sun.
• Dennis -  I watch Fargo, what else do you guys up there have to do but predict disappointment and feed limbs into wood chippers? 

Next step, determining a tie-breaker, no doubt involving a) number of TD passes thrown against ND in the first half of their bowl game, b) number of law suits filed against Jameis Winston before he can declare himself for the pros and c) number of interviews Kelly goes on before 2015.  

Watch this space.  Taking any suggestions in this regard. 

And by the way, I seem to be missing a lot of folks' $25 entry fees…  if I haven't recorded your payment (below, highlighted), do let me know. 

Wins	Song	Representative Lyric	ND Application	Contestant  prediction
12	Burning Down The House	“Here's your ticket, Pack your bag. Time for jumpin' overboard...”	Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up!  Starting with me.	Bryan
11				Daryl, Dave M
10	Heaven	“Heaven...   is a place...  where nothing... nothing ever happens...”	Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence...  I could get used to.	Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9				JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8	Once In A Lifetime	"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was..."	8-5... again?!  How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?	Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7				John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6	The Big Country	“I wouldn't live there if you paid me.  I couldn't live that, no   siree..."	Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur. I need to make some profound changes in my life.	Matt
5
4	No Compassion	“They say compassion is a virtue...  But I don't have the time.”	Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.   I am so done.   Hello, lacrosse.
3
2	Psycho Killer	“Run run run run  run run run away… Oh oh ohhhhhh...  ay yai yai  yai yai...”	Dad is just staring at the TV. He's not even paying attention to the game.  And he's drooling.
1

Schadenfreude Time

Baylor.  As Jim Thompson might say, "hasn't Waco suffered enough?!"  But to be on the outside looking in at the Final Four… and to be beaten out by a team you beat head-to-head… even by Texas standards, that's pretty cruel. Boo-freakin'-hoo.  

Ohio State.   "But they won, Ter!" you cry.  But thanks to their candy ass schedule and their (admittedly) stud QB getting hurt, they'll get to play Baylor in the Thanks For Participating Better Luck Next Year Bowl.  Actually that would be a really entertaining game, so I'm sure it won't happen. 

UCLA.  Here's a team that actually I used to like.  Now I don't. Thank you, Jim Mora, Jr. So your getting pounded by Stanford makes me happy.

Terry's Trolls

1.  Jameis.   Let's start w your 4 INT game and FSU still sleazes by.  Speaking of sleaze, you had your school disciplinary hearing this week - or as we up north call it, Le Grande Charade.  You chose not to testify, as was your right, but apparently you chose to leak - against the judge's direction - a self-serving statement about what an enthusiastic consensual partner your accuser was.  Nice. I can't wait for you to be gone. 

2. Jim Harbaugh.   Not a rhetorical question:  how big a douche do you have to be… to be as successful as Harbaugh and your team can't jettison you fast enough?  A Michigan Man indeed.

Spirituous liquor?  

Final Thought

John Goodman sings Talking Heads.  My favorite part of the whole movie… 

Final Thought - II

Let's find a weekend. Even if its just the midwesterners.