Week 8: Make It Stop, Make It Stop!

During the last week, in one single email, AJ Brunett, Esq. opined that when it came to the Navy football program,  I was both a 'hater' and one who would cave like a house of cards in front of an actual Cadet.

On both counts he is absolutely correct, as Alvin often is.  But I must remind everyone that I was once the foremost proponent of The Power of Positive Hating  - before I realized what happens when it is used for Evil rather than Good - so that insight of Al's isn't exactly revelatory.

As for the fear factor insight, I'm reminded of an exchange I had with Shea when she was probably no older than 3 and The Lion King was all the rage:

S:  "Daddy, Simba laughs in the face of danger..."
T:  "That's great, what do you do in the face of danger?"
S:  "I cry."

I was always impressed with her level of self-awareness at such an early age. No false bravado with that child.  And with the Playoff Selection Committee dynamic firmly in every team's frontal lobe, I would suggest that self-awareness - ND's strengths and weaknesses, the need for style points in winning etc. - is quite central to Kelly's make up these days.

Song of the Week

What great comes out of Minnesota, actually?  Many things great go in (see Ryan, Dennis) but it's typically not perceived as a hotbed of cultural greatness.  Okay, Dylan.  And Prince.  I'd also nominate The Replacements - one of those bands few actually know but are continually sited for their influence by more popular acts.  Life is funny that way.  But when your early oeuvre includes such works as "Tommy Gets His Tonsils Out", "Gary's Got A Boner" and "Bastards of Young", perhaps it's not so surprising.

But back in the day, they were a great band and the following song sums up perfectly what the Navy experience represents for me every year:

You climb into your rocket ship

And count from ten to one

There's no television coverage

For that loser on the run.

You hide yourself in darkness

But we're headed for the sun

Who's torture?

Who's torture?  Navy is. That’s who.

Word of the Week

Flarting (v.)

To mock, ridicule or insult. 

Used in a sentence:  In a moment of near sublime, self-awareness, Young Terry realized he had a really bad habit of coming into his work mates' offices every Monday morning, flarting up a storm while discussing the weekend games, and then suddenly heading elsewhere - leaving others to deal with the fallout. 

Game Observations

"How do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways…"

1. I hate Navy's chop blocks and the inevitable injuries - direct or indirect - that always end up occurring.
2. I hate that we're supposed to run up the score because "it's Navy."
3. I hate that we're incapable of running up the score.
4. I hate that TCU & Baylor have so little conscience that they hang 60 to 80 on anyone without a pang of indecision.
5. I hate (or maybe more accurately, don't understand) that our O-line, who outweighs their Navy counterparts by ~40 lbs. per man, can't seem to impose their will on those guys.  Ever.
6. I hate Navy's inevitable, predictable triple option that they've been running for the better part of what seems like 20+ years.
7. I hate that every time we have a new D-Coordinator, they treat the aforementioned triple option with a bafflement akin to as if it was Knute Rockne introducing the forward pass.
8. I hate how our offensive play calling seems to be inexplicably conservative when we could put 'em away.
9. I hate that we have to play them every year because otherwise I would've ended going to U. of Iowa.  Not that there's anything wrong w that.
10. I hate that I can't really ever truly hate them because of the whole "keeping our country - even the liberals - safe" thing.  And the fact that they mostly seem to be just really decent kids.

Buddy's buddy

In a word, the freshmen / sophomore class.  Of all the frustration that playing our country's naval academy engendered, the one source of unexpected happiness… came from watching the potential exhibited by the newbies.  Tranquill. Morgan. Onawalu.   Some of their plays were breathtaking.  Those times when they were out of position were... not. 

More support to the '2015 Is The Year' notion...

"I bet a dime…"

And Martini!

Quote of the Week

"1. You can't win.
 2. You can't break even.
 3. You can't even get out of the game.

Allen Ginsberg

Known as Ginsberg's Theorem, this is the Beat Generation poet's parody on the laws of thermodynamics in terms of a person playing a game - as surely Messrs. Lindon, Ungashick, Gutschenritter, Gordon, Marcel, Sullivan, Brunett et al recognize.  I have no idea what it even means but it sure feels like a perfect summary of our relationship with Navy. 

2014 Schedule


August
28      Rice                                W

September
6       Michigan  -                      W
13     Purdue (Indianapolis)    W
27     @Syracuse (MetLife)     W

October 
4      Stanford                           W
11    North Carolina                 W
18    @FSU                         W  L

November
  1   @Navy                             W
  8   @Arizona State 
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville
29   @USC

The Wager: 

Adieu, dear Matthew.  

Wins	Song	Representative Lyric	ND Application	Contestant  prediction
12	Burning Down The House	“Here's your ticket, Pack your bag. Time for jumpin' overboard...”	Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up! Starting with me.	Bryan
11				Daryl, Dave M
10	Heaven	“Heaven...   is a place...  where nothing... nothing ever happens...”	Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence...  I could get used to.	Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9				JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8	Once In A Lifetime	"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was..."	8-5... again?!  How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?	Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7				John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6	The Big Country	“I wouldn't live there if you paid me.  I couldn't live that, no siree..."	Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur. I need to make some profound changes in my life.	Matt
5
4	No Compassion	“They say compassion is a virtue...  But I don't have the time.”	Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.   I am so done.   Hello, lacrosse.
3
2	Psycho Killer	“Run run run run  run run run away… Oh oh ohhhhhh...  ay yai yai  yai yai...”	Dad is just staring at the TV. He's not even paying attention to the game. And he's drooling.
1

Schadenfreude Time

1.     Mississippi.  Two losses - back to back no less - and you gotta be out, right?  Wait, what? You're claiming the SEC dispensation that says each of our losses only counts half.  Oh.

2.     East Carolina. Can we please have a shout out for the Temple Owls, taking down the #23 ranked team in the country.  The way The Selection Committee seems to be looking at it, it's a more impressive win than anything in ND's portfolio. 

3.  Georgia.  See #2 except that getting drubbed by Florida this year -  piloted by a coach on the endangered species list - is a bad, bad loss by anyone's calculation.   Good-bye. 

Terry's Trolls.

1.  FSU.  Honestly, they could stay in the pole position every week but I want to call your attention in advance to Famous Jameis' Title IX hearing coming up mid-month.  On a national basis, these hearings almost always never end well for the defendant. What does anyone bet that these proceedings never come off until after the season when Winston is out of school and on his way to the NFL?

2.  CFB PlaySelection Committee.   It's not that I'm a conspiracy theorist although no way did Oswald act alone, it's just that after this week, I think the fix is in.  And who picked these guys anyway?  Did anyone bother to check out, you know, their allegiances?

3.  Oklahoma.  Your team chaplain?  Really?!

Police Blotter - per College Football Weekly

11/5/2014 — Arizona State defensive end Demetrius Cherry charged with driving under the influence.

11/5/2014 — Utah State wide receiver Hayden Weichers cited for soliciting a prostitute.

11/3/2014 — North Carolina running back Romar Morris charged with driving while intoxicated.

10/31/2014 — Penn State tight end Brent Wilkerson, safety Anthony Smith, defensive end Garrett Sickels and center Wendy Laurent charged with criminal mischief.

10/29/2014 — Central Michigan wide receiver Eric Cooper charged with receiving or concealing stolen property.

10/25/2014 — Iowa linebacker Reggie Spearman charged with operating while intoxicated.

10/22/2014 — Rutgers wide receiver Ruhann Peele charged with simple assault.

10/21/2014 — Cincinnati quarterbackJarred Evans charged with misdemeanor assault.

10/21/2014 — Oklahoma State wide receiver Jhajuan Seales and cornerback Juwan Offray charged with public intoxication.

10/17/2014 — Oklahoma football chaplain Kent Bowles charged with possession of a controlled dangerous substance, larceny, concealment of stolen property and obtaining cash or merchandise by bogus check or false pretenses.

10/14/2014 — Hawaii running back Joey Iosefa arrested for suspicion of drunk driving.

10/11/2014 — Louisville wide receiver Cameron Polk charged with possessing and trafficking marijuana, hydrocodone pills and codeine syrup.

An English Major Walks Into A Bar…

A Confederacy of Ounces

(A Confederacy of Dunces, 1980)

by John Kennedy Toole

Perhaps it was the SEC connection...

Originally written on piles of paper, A Confederacy of Dunces found life only after its author lost his own; JK Toole committed suicide, his mother found those secret pages and she began hawking the thing around their home state of Louisiana, claiming it was the next great American novel.  

Apparently she was right as it went on to win the Pulitizer Prize.  The thing is, I hated it.  It was… wait for it… torture…  to read as I found the protagonist so disagreeable, such a pompous loser, with no redeeming features.  Of course, this was before I worked at Senior Bar where I took those folks money happily…

But I digress.

The book's New Orleans setting goes best with another local classic,  the Big Easy's own Sazerac.   Raise a glass to the tragically shortchanged Toole - and everything else he might've written

•      ½ oz. anise liqueur (e.g. Herbsaint)
•      1 ½ oz. rye whiskey
•      1 teaspoon sugar
•      2 dashes Angostura bitters
•      3 dashes Peychaud's bitters
•      Lemon twist, for garnish

Pour the liqueur into a chilled rocks glass, swirl around till the sides are nice and coated - then toss anything that doesn't stick.  Add the remaining ingredients to a shaker with ice, shake well, and strain into the glass.  Guests?  Lemon twist garnish.  No guests?  Screw it - drink away and start finding your inner author…

Final Thought

Did you know that back in '09, incorrigible raver Stephen Hawking threw a party for time travelers -  but didn't publicize it until 4 years later… 

Process that for a minute.  Time travelers.  The group that must've attracted.  Would've made the '79 Engineering Smokers at Senior Bar seem like Animal House.

But Dr. Hawking's theory was that anyone who turned up must have read about the party in the future.  No one showed up.  Maybe they had better things to do, like game plan vs. Navy.

Clearly not.