Week 10: Could Be Worse, Could Be Raining...

"One of these days the ground will drop out from beneath your feet.

One of these days your heart will stop and play it's final beat...

But it's alright, yeah it's alright.  Said it's alright…

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!

Your heart has never been broken.  
Your pride has never been stolen.

Not yet, not yet...

Don't say it's alright."

Personally speaking, thank God for Aaron Rodgers.  And if we lose to Louisville, I'm calling it right now:  Morrissey / The Smiths are next week's music.  (Alvin or Jim T., I'll be taking suggestions…)

Back on point:

After the self-loathing passed, I started to feel a little sorry for myself - I did get up at 5:30am to stream the game on the NBC Live app, what a waste that was - until Sully rightfully pointed out that he (and his other noble fools zealots) did likewise to actually go to the game and witness it.

Sure, we're young.  But...
We were supposed to be good.
We were supposed to be improving.
We were supposed to be gaining valuable experience each week.
We were supposed to have superior talent and athleticism. 
We were supposed to have a home field advantage.

"Epic Fail'"
Those were the first words that popped into my head after Northwestern's nondescript kicker made his last FG.  Almost impressive that on a single day you could have virtually everyone on a team turn in their worst effort:  offense, defense, special teams, coaching.  Sorry, Daryl, but I bet even the managers mailed it in.  One would suppose that isn't easy.  

But it got me thinking of other failures, historically, of near biblical - certainly iconic - magnitude:

1.  New Coke.   Ever hear the expression, 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it?'

2.  Andrew Johnson.  Remember him?  Of course you don't.  Lincoln running mate and horrifically bad 17th President.  Even brilliant men make epically bad decisions sometimes.

3.   Decca Records.  After hearing about a dozen of their songs in 1962, turned down signing The Beatles because "guitar groups were on their way out."  

4.  Custer at Little Big Horn.  And site of first recorded famous f-bomb dropped in history ("Where the f*** did all these Indians come from?").

5.  Titanic.  And site of the 2nd famous f-bomb in history ("Where the f*** did that iceberg come from?")

So perhaps all is not lost.  Fame (or infamy) can still be ours.

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough…

Go golfing. 

It helps that the football game ends at 9am Sunday morning here.

Silport Golf Club in Jiangsu.  I have no idea where that is.  But we drove from an hour to get there which allowed me to fully separate from the horror I had just witnessed in my room.

Not only was my caddy a snappy dresser (I'm bringing back matching bonnets for Al & JP), she could really read a green and give you your distance to the yard without any GPS assistance.  Which helped me about as much as Kelly knowing that a PAT would still make it a 2 TD game for the Wildcats...

Word of the Week

Absterge (v.)

• To wipe clean; expunge, purge, purify. 

Used in a sentence:  By the back nine, Young Terry thought he had finally absterged his psyche from all things related to ND football.  Then came his yank into the pond of his 2nd shot on 18 and his playing partner's passing reference to Everett Golson…


I Picked The Wrong Day…

So is it time to find a new hobby?  The ND football fan thing clearly only leads to continual pain, long-term suffering and  eventual madness.   

Here are some suggestions for alternative Saturday afternoon time investments and the rockers who swear by them.   But!  They're not connected to the right aficionado!  See if you can match them correctly:

	a)  Golf
	b)  History
	c)  Cricket
	d)  Taxidermy
	e)  Model trains
	f)  Nature shows

Wasn't that a fun, if brief, diversion from the Current Depression That Is ND Football?

(Answers at the bottom of the blog.)

Buddy's buddy

Certainly no one on the team - okay, Folston possibly - but rather I salute you all, "Mr. Dedicated-Stayer-Lot-Tailgate-In-Wretched-Weather-To-Watch/Support-Even-More-Wretched-Team" Guys. 

"I'm getting cold in this, Jerry…"

You are certainly cut from very special cloth.  A fabric both masochistic and mournful, akin to sackcloth and ashes.

Buddy would've appreciated your high sense of commitment, if not your significantly more limited common sense. 

Quote of the Week

"If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers…"

Thomas Pynchon

A strategy that coach Kelly may wish to consider adapting. 

2014 Schedule


August
28      Rice                                  W

September
6       Michigan  -                       W
13     Purdue (Indianapolis)     W
27     @Syracuse (MetLife)      W

October 
4      Stanford                           W
11    North Carolina                 W
18    @FSU                          W  L

November
  1   @Navy                                W
  8   @Arizona State                 L
15    Northwestern                    L
22    Louisville
29   @USC

The Wager: 

Team 7, looking better every week.  

Going down at the hands of… Northwestern.  Ouch.

Wins	Song	Representative Lyric	ND Application	Contestant  prediction
12	Burning Down The House	“Here's your ticket, Pack your bag. Time for jumpin' overboard...”	Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up! Starting with me.	Bryan
11				Daryl, Dave M
10	Heaven	“Heaven...   is a place...  where nothing... nothing ever happens...”	Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence...  I could get used to.	Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9				JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8	Once In A Lifetime	"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was..."	8-5... again?!  How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?	Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7				John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6	The Big Country	“I wouldn't live there if you paid me.  I couldn't live that, no siree..."	Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur. I need to make some profound changes in my life.	Matt
5
4	No Compassion	“They say compassion is a virtue...  But I don't have the time.”	Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.   I am so done.   Hello, lacrosse.
3
2	Psycho Killer	“Run run run run  run run run away… Oh oh ohhhhhh...  ay yai yai  yai yai...”	Dad is just staring at the TV. He's not even paying attention to the game. And he's drooling.
1

Schadenfreude Time

Once again, a somewhat half-hearted call out.

1.  Mississippi State.  Actually I would've love to see them beat 'Bama but in the spirit of 'let chaos reign…'

2.  Arizona State.  This one is almost painful - they surely weren't as good as we made them look.  But in the spirit of 'bummer for you guys after last week's win…' Ha. Ha. Ha.

3.  LSU.  Shut out.  By Arkansas.  Now this I can enjoy.  That's an Ann Arbor number calling on your cell phone right now, isn't it Les?  Please take the call.

Terry's Trolls.

Brian Kelly.  The math wasn't that difficult, coach.







An English Major Walks Into A Bar…

    

      Another 19th Century selection for those who asked themselves last week (as I did), "Am I really seeing this?"

The Turn of The Screwdriver

(The Turn of the Screw (1898))

by Henry James

     

"He DID NOT just fumble again?!"

On a rolling country estate -- the kind that always wins set designers their 5th Oscar -- things are getting spooky for the new governess.  In prolific author Henry James' novella, ghosts after the new hire's charges.  And she's determined to keep the littler buggers safe. 

The thing is - and there's always a thing, isn't there? - nobody else seems to see these cunning apparitions.  And more than a century after publication, even literary scholars are still scratching their heads:  was the governess a loon?  Or was this really a haunted house? 

A true classic holds up to different interpretations and we offer two ways into this week's cocktail:

Theory 1:  She's perfectly level-headed.

• 4 oz. orange juice
• 2 oz. Tito's vodka

Theory 2:  She's batshit crazy.

• 4 oz. sparkling orange soda (e.g. Orangina)
• 2 oz. vanilla vodka

For either variation, pour the ingredients over ice into a highball glass.  If drinking alone - of course you're not, you've got your special spectral pal with you! - you might want to consider a plastic glass just in case you get jumpy.  (Or you want to throw the glass at the TV after our 4th turn over…)

Final Thought
At this point in the season, none.  Only answers to the quiz:

1. Roger - trains
2. Iggy - nature shows
3. Keith - history
4. Alice - golf (5-handicap)
5. Jack -  taxidermy
6. Mick -  cricket