To The Pain

I'll use small words...

W:  To The Pain.

PH:  I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase. 

W:  'To the pain' means the first thing you lose is your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists, next your nose.

PH:  Then my tongue, I suppose.  I killed you too quickly the last time.  A mistake I don't mean to duplicate.

W:  I wasn't finished.  The next thing you will lose is your left eye followed by your right.

PH:  And then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it.

W:  Your ears you will keep and I'll tell you why: so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish.

PH:  I think you're bluffing. 
-----------------------------

What a great movie.  And a terrific sentiment:  to the pain.  Now who's ready for some football?!  Here's my 'a girl can dream, can't she' attitude: we're gonna be young but we're gonna be good.  No bluff.  Let's bring some pain - to someone else.

I recently read of a fellow who received a substantial inheritance from a relative, with the proviso that he use the money to improve humanity.

How admirable.

So he sunk the money in approximately 100 bottles of extremely premium single malts, believing he was facilitating full employment for the Inner Hebrides islands. 

How creative.

Speaking of which, all potential visitors -- Scotchlandia just got... scotch-ier!  

Isn't it cute?  And scotch-y.

The instructions for this 2 liter Bad Boy (someone please tell my wife I actually read them) state, "Ideally your barrel would always be filled..."

Well, duh.

And also, "Check your barrel and their contents every couple weeks - top off when necessary..."

Not gonna be a problem.

Thank you brother Mike!  (And yes, boys, this could easily travel for Christmas in CT...)

Song of the Month
It was 20 years ago that the Meat Puppets released their album, "Too High To Die" - an anniversary I suspect precious few are celebrating.  Except me.  I mean, how often can one pull off a song whose lyrics are clearly modeled after Yoda's speech pattern.  Come to think of it, it also sounds like a lot of (likely) incoherent speeches we gave our kids before their freshmen years of college.  

And maybe what Kelly is telling his young, undeniably critical underclassmen.

 Nonetheless, it's a great song. Enjoy.

"Things we must not do,
Must not walk through walls.
Also also don't
Do some things we did..."

Word of the Month

Philodox  (n.)  
One who is enamored with his or her own opinions, usually to the exclusion of yours.

Used in a sentence:  This time of year, there is no greater example of a boorish philodox in love with his own voice that the insufferable, yammering football experts that populate the TV, message boards... and blogosphere. 



Quote of the Month 

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left..."

Oscar Levant

pianist/composer/comedian/actor

And isn't everyone a genius in the pre-season?


An English Major Walks Into A Bar...
This is a time for happy, 'glass half full' thoughts - we're undefeated!  So we need a book-based cocktail that reflects that optimism.  Or not:

Brave New Swirled
 by Aldous Huxley

Imagine a world dominated by antidepressants and governmental control over reproductive rights. (Oh. Wait.)  Written in the '30s, Brave New World could've been cut-and-pasted from today's headlines.  Huxley penned a dystopian world in which embryos are pre-programmed for certain behaviors and needs, and technology so revered that "Oh my Ford" is a commonplace utterance.  While Huxley was an outspoken fan of psychedelic drugs, you can now legally freeze your own brain with this swirly smoothie featuring a surprising aphrodisiac:  watermelon.  (Like we say in Scotchlandia, what you drink - and who you drink it with - ain't nobody's business but your own.)

• 1 oz. vodka
• 1 cup seedless watermelon, chopped into coarse cubes
• 1/4 oz.  lemon juice
• 1/2 teaspoon granulated sugar
• 1/2 oz. melon liqueur

Add the vodka, watermelon, lemon juice, sugar and a handful of ice to a blender, running until smooth.  Pour into a cocktail glass and float the liqueur on top.  One gulp of this and you'll be more than brave enough to take on The Man.  

Buddy's Buddies

There have bee a more than a few things that have given me sports-based pleasure over this past year - The Spurs and Rory for starters - but maybe none more than our local Little League heroes, Jackie Robinson West, who made it to the World Series finals before succumbing. 

And unlike many of the high school kids you see - witness any sports HS All-Star games where they give unbelievable attitude like they're pros - these kids had actual sports etiquette. (Witness the boy who hit a HR, did a Sammy Sosa-like hop, then went and apologized to the opposing manager for possibly being perceived as showing up his team.)

From Chicago's South Side, they played hard, never gave up and were a ton of fun to watch.  And while not long on economic benefits, they're no longer short on admirers.   Cannot wait for their Ferris Bueller parade on Wednesday.  Enjoy it, boys.

2014 Schedule

August
28      Rice

September
6       Michigan  -- LINIPALOOZA!   


October 
4      Stanford
11    North Carolina

November
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville


The Wager:  Cannot WAIT to see where everyone nets out this year...

The time draweth nigh... ESPN talking heads seem all clustered around the top-of-the-bell curve, 8-9 territory.  Predictable sheep.  The A Lot group is made up of much freer thinkers. 

Maybe not.  

At any rate, deadline: 9am (CDT) of the 8/30 Rice game.  

Note the Brothers Corrigan & Gruley at the top - Team Optimism or Team Delusional?

Wins	Song	Representative Lyric	ND Application	Contestant  prediction
12	Burning Down The House	“Here's your ticket, Pack your bag. Time for jumpin' overboard...”	Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up! Starting with me.	Bryan
11				Daryl, Dave M
10	Heaven	“Heaven...   is a place...  where nothing... nothing ever happens...”	Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence...  I could get used to.	Kevin C, Terry, Lini, Jerry W, Peter, Rob W
9				JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C, Bob R, Tim S, Jim S, Jay, Jim B
8	Once In A Lifetime	"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was..."	8-5... again?!  How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?	Brian W, Jim T, Jerry P, Tom, Kevin M, Garrett, Mark, Mike G
7				John, Ray, Blair, Alvin, Dave, Ryan, Randy, Dennis
6	The Big Country	“I wouldn't live there if you paid me.  I couldn't live that, no siree..."	Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur. I need to make some profound changes in my life.	Matt
5
4	No Compassion	“They say compassion is a virtue...  But I don't have the time.”	Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.   I am so done.   Hello, lacrosse.
3
2	Psycho Killer	“Run run run run  run run run away… Oh oh ohhhhhh...  ay yai yai  yai yai...”	Dad is just staring at the TV. He's not even paying attention to the game. And he's drooling.
1

Schadenfreude Time

1.  Nevada.  I have nothing against you guys whatsoever but I caught the Jackie Robinson West fever in the LLWS and seeing those kids bounce back from getting pounded by you a week earlier - and down 5-4 in the 5th... well, that was really lovely. 

Terry's Trolls

So I have this idea for a children's book centering around a character, Steve the Obsessive Compulsive Troll, who'll seemingly terrorize all the villages in the region - because he's, you know, a troll.  But in reality he just goes around and tidies up everyone's huts, weirdly arranging all their livestock by size and placing all their crude utensils in a row by function. 

Every week, they'll see him coming, run away in sheer panic for their lives, knocking over all sorts of stuff in the course of their hasty exits and generally leaving their huts even messier than normal.  And he'll clean them up.  

Set in the Middle Ages, there'll be little understanding - or empathy - for anxiety disorders and the sense of ostracization it begets. One can imagine that among the other trolls he's mocked relentlessly. "Weirdo," they'll say.  Ultimately, he'll encounter a young child, somehow left behind in the mayhem, who'll look beyond his freakish looks and realize that not only CAN ONE NOT JUDGE ALL TROLLS THE SAME but how awesome it is to be a completely lazy toddler and have someone else clean it up.  Sweet!  

And the concept of the symbiotic relationships will be born. 

There's still some work to do - I think it needs a little more dramatic tension - maybe he gets kicked out of Troll-land - and probably a wise-cracking animal sidekick needs to be incorporated...

"Where have I seen that before..."

I will serialize this - not unlike Dickens - and like any writer worth his salt, I already know how it ends:  Steve will get therapy and the villagers will realize what the small child always knew: that the troll was an immense, if unlikely, talent:  he'll go on to change his name to Stefano and his OCD (involving all things straight and orderly) will manifest itself in a highly successful architecture practice utilizing early Prairie-style principles, something that poseur Frank Lloyd Wright will take credit for 1000 years later.

Net, a capitalism-based happy ending.  I smell a brisk business in the psychiatric space.  And a deal with DreamWorks. 

But I digress. (Significantly.)

Back in the Real World:

1.  Mark Cuban.   Apparently, you won't be 'guilted' into participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge, the admirable fund raiser for ALS that's gone globally viral.  Lighten up, Francis.

Final Thought

Please don't.

What To Wear At Strayer This Season.  Or Not.

Interesting, cautionary article as many of you pack your travel bags for this year's social season.  

And yes, the farm comment hit uncomfortably close to home.

Um, On Second Thought...

The philosopher Neil Young once wrote, "This much madness is too much sorrow..."

Apparently right before his protagonist shot his ba-by, down by the river.  For what?  As best I can fathom, allegedly not dragging him over the rainbow or sending him away.

Which always struck me as a bit harsh.  Minimally, a gross overreaction. 

That punishment simply didn't seem to fit the crime. The again, I've never had all the facts.  Which, of course, brings us to the latest Scandal At du Lac...

I saw this editorial the other day and would encourage everyone to read: it's reasonable and rationale, making it Maltese Falcon-like rare in the editorial space these days...  

Hey, I don't know any more than anyone else on this topic but this doesn't stop me from having opinions:

• Don't blame the whistle-blower, supposedly a faculty member, for this mess.  Unless you aspire for ND embracing SEC values. They had a suspicion, they followed protocol.
• The administration might be guilty of some over-reaction but it would appear they had no choice once someone (the NCAA?) started leaking names.
• It strikes me as an extremely grey area of students looking for a consult on a paper and having someone else actually be the author.  (I would think in Real Life, seeking second opinions and advice, would be considered a character strength.) And really hard to prove short of an outright confession. 
• A lot of people's reputations have been potentially impugned here... but it's hard to believe there isn't a little substance here, given the senior level of administration resources involved. 
• Increasingly, Phillip Daniels strikes me as a bit of a knucklehead - and I'm not sure he's helping his son's cause - but one certainly can't blame him for aggressively (and publicly) defending his son's reputation.  He just better be right. 
• It's misguided to blame Kelly. Why, because of some broad theory of leadership that those at the top must be responsible for everything under their charge? Noble but doesn't strike me, personally, as accurate in this situation. I can't recall - did everyone call for Ara's head when Ross, Al, Luther and the boys got kicked out?  In the absence of any evidence of the staff enabling this, if these kids screwed up, they should own it.
• Could we not have just ONE controversy-free off season?

Song of the Month

Full disclosure:  I've been getting in touch with my feminine side, musically, a lot this summer.  I blame attribute it to Gruley. He invited me to a terrific Kelly Willis show at City Winery in late June where her husband played a deeply affecting song that I later heard covered by The Dixie Chicks.  That, in turn, lead to a downward spiral of estrogen-fueled earnestness: Nancy Griffith, The Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan* - I even began planning a road trip to the next Lilith Fair. 

*But not Lucinda Williams, she's too awesomely badass trailer trash-y.  She's saved for Autumn evenings in Scotchlandia.  

Recently I was reminded of the linked song's sentiment and it's striking relevance (for me) to the latest ND debacle.  Brief back story of the song:  After 9/11 and the subsequent Iraq invasion, the band's wonderfully liberal lead singer declared that she was embarrassed that George W. hailed from her home state of Texas. As comments go, pretty tame (most of you've expressed significantly harsher commentary about our sitting president) but from a commerical standpoint, it represented a PR misstep only outdone by LeBron's The Decision.  Sales of a very promising album stopped literally overnight across the south (while skyrocketing on small, liberal arts college campuses up north).

At any rate, this song became their (her) response.  The point being, in this particular case, that I'm tired of ND having to be defensive about actually having institutional control. Maybe the kids took a short cut, maybe they didn't.  But the school had to take it seriously and go through due process.

Try to get beyond the political back story - it's a pretty terrific song. 

"I'm not ready to make nice.
I'm not ready to back down.
I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you I think I should..."

Word of the Month
Ayurnamat (n.)  

The philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed. 

Origin:  Inuit
Synonym:  Hakuna Matata.

Used in a sentence:  Young Terry told his older, wiser brother, "I'm feeling sooo ayurnamat!  I've spent so much of my life stressing and it never changed anything from happening to me.  So why bother?"  

The Elder's face lit up and he replied, "Exactly, young T.  That's what my meds did for me.  And by 'meds', I mean single malt..."


Quote of the Month 

"Spring is Nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Robin Williams
(1951-2014)

So that must mean that Fall is Nature's way of saying, "Let's tailgate!"

An English Major Walks Into A Bar...
Warning: metaphor-based cocktail ahead... can you spot it?!

Fahrenheit 151

It ain't about censorship, boys!  Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 (the temperature at which a book burns) is about a truly unthinkable society in which technology reigns supreme and books go bye-bye.

Written in the 50's but ringing eerily true today Fahrenheit's world stars firemen who start fires, setting the world afire and sniffing out pesky law-breaking readers.

Of course it's a totally inappropriate drink for August but who cares about what's appropriate?  If that were the case, we'd fact check before hitting 'send' on the latest news.  HA!  So serve this hot party drink to toast all the internet trolls who start rumors, firing away with speculation based on 4th and 5th party innuendo.  It's the New Age of Media!  Just be careful not to spill it on your iPad.

• 6 cups apple cider
• 1 cup cranberry juice
• 1 cup orange juice
• 1 cup pineapple juice
• 6 cloves
• 4 cinnamon sticks
• 8 oz. rum, like Bacardi 151

Pour the ingredients, except the rum, into a crock pot. Warm for approx. 1 hour, or until fully heated. Unplug the pot and add the rum.  Give it a stir, ladle away and start the rumor-mongering! 

Makes about 10 drinks. 

2014 Schedule

Who am I? Hint: I was 801's Master of The Verty-Bird.

August
28      Rice

September
6       Michigan  -- LINIPALOOZA!   
Now added! Animals that look like his old housemates!!

October 
4      Stanford
11    North Carolina

November
15    Northwestern
22    Louisville

"I Said, Migration.  Not Immigration..."

"Where the hell is Strayer..."

Like the proverbial swallows at San Juan Capistrano, the 'A' Lot Boys are beginning their inevitable move to new territory - specifically the lot adjacent to The Strayer Executive Education building. (And if one can't appreciate the irony of this group aligning itself with anything related to education, executive or otherwise, you really haven't been paying attention for ~40 yrs.)

But I digress.  Wishing to be continually ahead of the curve, the gang is moving this year* so a) don't be surprised when they're not in the usual spot and b) come find them with this handy, dandy map. Click on the picture, download and print.  Or have one of your children do it if that's too technically complex for you.  In any event, no excuses:

* a small, satellite group of us will still be in the usual 'A' Lot spot for the Michigan game.

The Wager:  Cannot WAIT to see where everyone nets out this year...

Same rules as year's past:  $25 entry fee, eligible up until 9am (EDT) of the 8/30 Rice game.  Those who didn't pay last year arte ineligible until they square their debt - which would be a really awesome rule if I could remember who those scofflaws were. Which I cannot. 

Always ahead of the curve, let's hear it for JP - first one in the pool! And paid!  Bravo, Jeep, I salute you and your sconces...

Wins	Song	Representative Lyric	ND Application	Contestant  prediction
12	Burning Down The House	“Here's your ticket, Pack your bag. Time for jumpin' overboard...”	Man Oh Man Oh Man... if we win this much, something's getting lit up! Starting with me.
11
10	Heaven	“Heaven...   is a place...  where nothing... nothing ever happens...”	Boy, attaining this level of consistent, calm excellence...  I could get used to.	Kevin C, Terry,
9				JP,, Ted, Mike C, Jerry C, Tim C,
8	Once In A Lifetime	"And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? Same as it ever was..."	8-5... again?!  How did we get to this point of near constant mediocrity?	Brian W, Jim T,
7				John,
6	The Big Country	“I wouldn't live there if you paid me.  I couldn't live that, no siree..."	Both 'A' Lot and ND football - gone the way of the dinosaur. I need to make some profound changes in my life.
5
4	No Compassion	“They say compassion is a virtue...  But I don't have the time.”	Empathy for our pathetic football program is over-rated.   I am so done.   Hello, lacrosse.
3
2	Psycho Killer	“Run run run run  run run run away… Oh oh ohhhhhh...  ay yai yai  yai yai...”	Dad is just staring at the TV. He's not even paying attention to the game. And he's drooling.
1

Schadenfreude Time

1.  Ohio State. No Braxton Miller.  Bummer.  The sad irony is their schedule is so lame that they'll still probably win 11 and Urban will be hailed as a genius coach-mentor-father figure.


Terry's Trolls

1.  Joe Mixon.  Oklahoma's 5-star RB recruit knocks a woman unconscious - and is charged with only a misdemeanor - yet ND's investigation of possible academic fraud is the story?

2.  Johnny Manziel.   Grow up.

3.  Daniel Snyder.  Not because of the Redskins name debate.  Because you're a terrible owner. And a colossal douche.

Today  This Week  This Month in 41 AD

"When I called you a sissy, I meant it as a complement..."

The despotic Roman emperor is assassinated in a conspiracy led by Cassius Chaerea and involving many members of the Senate, army and equestrian order.  Many historians assign a specific motive to Chaerea, who by several accounts was constantly mocked by Caligula for his totally wimptastic girly voice and for sustaining emasculating injuries to his manhood while serving honorably under Caligula's father, Germanicus. 

 
Venn Diagram of the Week

 
Awesome People Hanging Out Together