Musings from 'A' Lot: Week 5 (2013): Wake Me Up When September Ends

TC: Do you know this is the most lucid conversation I've had in, like, four days?

Murphy: Dude, we may be dogs but we're not stupid. We've seen your friends.

Seamus: By the way, who was that woman with the outrageous Marie Antionette hair?

Murphy: I couldn't take my eyes off it.

Seamus: Yeah, it was like a fallen Egyptian obelisk.

Murphy: And we don't really know how those were built either...

Speaking of things that we really don't really know... what is up with our team? They look flat, inconsistent, unimaginative. And the natives are getting really, really restless. But I say don't give up on 'em just yet. Though that might just be the post-Linipalooza Euphoria talking.

Text of the Week
3rd INT... I feel like the drummer in Spinal Tap. I may spontaneously combust.

Received during ND-Oklahoma game, 9/28/13

Song of The Week
When I think of The Cars, I think of Boston.
When I think of Boston, I think of living with Jerry and Jim in the early 80's.
When I think of living with Jerry and Jim in the early 80s, I think of our Mapleton Street house.
When I think of our Mapleton Street house, I think of the house's Wonder Porch.
When I think of The Wonder Porch, I think of being getting really, really ... mixed up. A lot.

But not as confused as our blocking and coverage responsibilities on Saturday. And if you spent any time on The Wonder Porch, you'd know that's saying something.

She tricks me into thinkin'
I can't believe my eyes.
I wait for her forever
But she never does arrive.
It's all mixed up.
It's all mixed up.
It's all mixed up.

She says to leave it to me
Everything'll be alright.

And the odd thing is, I actually believe that everything'll be all right with this team.

WORD OF THE WEEK
LACHRYMOSE lach·ry·mose

adjective \-ˌmōs\

: given to tears or weeping : tearful

: tending to cause tears : mournful

— lach·ry·mose·ly adverb

— lach·ry·mos·i·ty noun

Origin: Latin lacrimosus, from lacrima Origin

First Known Use: circa 172

Used in a sentence: Arriving home from 'A' Lot, I told Lisa that I hadn't felt so lachrymose since I saw the movie "Bambi."
"That's my husband," she muttered. "Crying at a cartoon."
But then she got out the 15 yr. Balvenie and the enormous ice balls. Suddenly I knew everything was going to be just fine.

Wednesday

Twin Anchors.

Like coming home.

Thursday. LINIPALOOZA!

Birthday girl!

To Judy! To Jerry!

Master of Disguise - impersonating a couch.

Lucky Pierre.

Friday - The Few, The Proud, The Fashion Challenged.

"JP, you just reek of booze..."

Game Day.
Cumulus clouds as we leave Valpo. Cincotta would be thrilled. It's going to be an outstanding day.

"Is that an 8' sub or are you just happy to see me?"

The Sirens of 'A' Lot.

"Reunited and it feels so good..."

"Dad, is that the Golden Dome?"

The Game

Aborting the 'enter the stadium' mission as the tailgater concluded, the score was 14-0 before we even got to the car.

Nurse - medication! Stat!

What did that tell me? For one thing, that occasionally my instincts don't lead me astray. Going into the stadium would've been a horribly flawed idea. Especially with Lisa not packing any knitting needles to impale myself on.

Secondly, that self-medication - within the confines of one's own home and under the supervision of a responsible adult - is a viable course of treatment for the ND Football Blues.

Summary Observations

Our team simply can't seem to have all 11 guys do the right thing on the same play.
I'm kinda tired of every QB having their breakout game against us.
I'm also tired of playing teams in red. And seeing their fans.
Tommy is simply not the guy - this year at least - if you need to engineer a significant comeback.
And it genuinely pains me to say this but Rees' accuracy is getting worse. Bad fundamentals?
And no one throws consistently into coverage more than he does.
Not a fan of this switching QB thing, especially if Hendrix is only going to run it all the time. Me, I'd play him more, let him get into the flow of the game a little bit. How much worse can he be?
GAIII looked pretty impressive. Is it sustainable? Is he worth 4-5 games of mediocrity for every 'oh wow' performance?
Stating the obvious: we ran well. Why doesn't Folston see the field more than ~4 plays a game?

Are we always gonna hear that our team speed never matches up?
I still think our WR's are pretty good. And we seemed to have finally discovered crossing routes.

I clearly don't understand the Pass Interference rules - whether they're for and against us.
If the "lose your helmet" penalty isn't the stupidest rule in the book, the magnitude of it (15 yds?, really?) certainly is.
I'm beginning to champion the argument that Zeke Motta should be smack in the middle of any 'who do we miss most' conversation.
At least we shouldn't have to worry about losing any coaches in the off season.
Saturday night's game in Dallas, it would seem to me, is now HUGE for the season. And ASU's QB is REALLY mobile. Eek.

Post-Game

Later that evening, back at The Farm and switching between watching USC get dismantled by Arizona St and the Royals-White Sox game... JP casually asks whether I've tried pushing my 'back button'.

What did you just ask me?

Um. Push my what? He says he pushes his own. Often. Several times in a single program in fact. And in front of... everyone.

Wow. Ya think you know someone.

I am uncomfortable. Is this an East Coast euphenism? For what exactly? Everyone is waiting for my answer.

Awkward.

And he still reeks of booze.

The Schedule

August / September	October	November
31 TEMPLE W 7 @Michigan L 14 @Purdue W 21 MICHIGAN STATE W 28 *OKLAHOMA L**	5 ARIZONA STATE (Dallas) 19 USC 26 @Air Force	2 NAVY 9 @Pitt 23 BYU 30 @Stanford

*Linipalooza!

THE BET

Au revior, Team 11. On the clock, Team 10. And Arthur Schopenhauer is looking quite prescient.

This would probably be a good time to mention that if you don't see your name highlighted in yellow below, it means I don't think you've paid the $25 entry fee. And I am not responsible for fiscal accountability if you gave me money at Lini's.

Wins	Philospher	School of Thought / Representative Quote	Modern Translation	Contestant prediction
12	EPICURIS	The Self-Indulgent & Excessive “You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity..”	Man up! We’re still BCS bound even w/o Everett and Eddie! Go Irish! (And stop bogarting the wine skin, bro…)
11				~~Kevin C, Ray, Dave M~~
10	KIERKEGAARD	The Logical “Face the facts of being what you are, for that changes what you are…”	Epicuris is an incorrigible drunk but he’s right about this still being a very good team. That said, losing Golson has to cost us a game or two.	Terry, Peter, Ted, Mike G, Jay, JP, Daryl, Jerry W, Dennis
9				Raz, Jim S, Jim T, Bob S, Tim C Jerry C, Mike C, Tom, Randy Tim S, Blair, Kevin M, Shea, Mark
8	WITTGENSTEIN	The Realist “I sit astride Life like a bad rider on a horse. I only owe it to the horse’s good nature that I am not thrown off at this very moment…”	I don’t have a clue what’s gonna happen but the odds alone suggest we’ll win 7-8 and go bowling in Shreveport.	Garrett, Bryan, John, Brian, Lini, Jerry P, Ryan C, Matt
7				Alvin
6	SCHOPENHAUER	The Skeptic “The wise have always said the same things, and fools, who are the majority, have always done just the opposite…”	Epicurus is delusional. Everett is a significant loss. The entire ‘O’ was built around him. Bet high at your peril.
5
4	DIOGENES	The Cynic “What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others…”	The high point of the year is gonna be the ‘A’ Lot experience. Again. Not that that's a bad thing.
3
2	NIETZSCHE	The Nihilist “A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything…”	Honestly, why bother with any of this? Life beyond ‘A’ Lot is a wretched, futile existence - devoid of meaning. May I have another Bloody?
1

COCKTAIL OF THE WEEK

The Class Reunion

2 oz. Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey
1 oz. mixed berry schnapps
1 oz. Chambord raspberry liqueur
2 oz. cranberry-apple juice

Stir all the ingredients in a highball glass, then add ice. This is a traditional drink for a typical school reunion - it's strong enough to make you forget, temporarily, you actually lived with some of these people. While you're working on your second one, a classmate's young son comes approaches you.

"Dad told me your name is Dumbass!" he says, with delight. Your friend leans down to rebuke the lad.

"Now, son, I didn't tell you to call him that. I told you to call him 'Mr. Dumbass.'" The youth runs away having learned an important lesson in respecting one's elders.

BUDDY'S BUDDY

Buddy: Boys, you're back!

Murphy: Wouldn't it miss it for the world - we heard there were going to be actual Boston folk here.

Buddy: Did you meet them? I think you'll find them to be enchanting men with odd nicknames and riveting life stories that both amuse and disturb.

Seamus: You're talking about the ones they call JP and Dealer?

Buddy: None other.

"Nary a drop of spilled Guinness this week, Seamus..."

Murphy: Those two almost mythical characters make an appropriate segue to my BB candidate this week. Oft misunderstood and maligned, Al & Jeep remind me of George Atkinson III. He ran hard and with better instincts than we've seen from him ever. You could argue he kept us in the game.

Seamus: Murph, did you not see that mutant submarine sandwich?! Whomever game planned that is my Star of the Game.

Buddy: Try to focus, Seamus.
Murphy: Welcome to my world, Bud.
Seamus: And what about Madame Big Hair? She has to be in the discussion...

SCHADENFREUDE

Quality over quantity.

1. USC. This would be a glorious nomination if it wasn't for the fact that we have to play the team that hung 62 on you, Lane. One can only hope for a) a massive let down and b) a better game plan. I would suggest we run the ball a lot.

2. LSU. Any time Les Miles loses it's an awesome day.

LANE'S LADS

In honor of the untimely demise - could you at least have waited until after our game, Pat Haden? - of this section's patron saint, we'll be dedicating this segment to ~~coach~~ Kiffin for the balance of the season...

1. Tampa Bay Bucs. None of you have probably paid attention to their handling of Josh Freeman. Young QB having a disappointing season. First they bench him. Then there's allegations of the coach fixing the captaincy vote against him. Then there's a leak of a confidential failed drug test (for Adderall) - where'd that come from, ya suppose? Now they've locked him out of the facilities and divided the team in the process. Bad team. Bad management.

2. Ed Orgeron. When you're considered sleazy by your fellow SEC coaches, you know you've achieved rarified cretin air. Now you're interim head coach for a team already under sanctions. Can't wait to see how this plays out, even if it's only for a couple more months.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK